


Redemption

by piginapoketuesday



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Redemption, TW: Blood, TW: Self Harm, dean is scared, hurt!castiel, not actually suicide though, use of angel blade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 17:22:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4714208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piginapoketuesday/pseuds/piginapoketuesday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel has been feeling so guilty for so long about the two angel graces inside of him. Now that he has his own grace back, he decides to release Theo and Adena, but it's difficult to do alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Redemption

Castiel sat quietly on his bed in the Bunker, staring down at the angel blade in his hands. He wasn't sure he could do this.

Slowly, he raised the blade to his neck and poised the tip beneath his Adam's apple. He closed his eyes at the feel of the metal, trying not to remember Metatron pulling his head back, or the caress of fingers that closed his wound. He pressed a bit further, feeling the resistance of the cartilage that would rip if he continued. The wetness of a drop of blood made him stop, and the blade clanged to the floor.

Castiel looked up at the sound of familiar footsteps outside his door.

"Cas? Everything okay in there?" Dean didn't knock, but Castiel knew he was pressed up against the panel of the door, listening.

He couldn't find his voice.

Dean opened the door. As he pushed through, his smooth expression faltered into concern. "Cas, you're bleeding."

The angel wiped awkwardly at his neck, smearing the blood. "Oh, I am," he said, staring at the streak on his fingers.

Dean looked down at his friend's feet and saw the blade, its tip just barely colored. "Cas," his voice was heavy, "What the hell's going on?"

Castiel didn't know how to explain. "I . . . I have to . . ."

The oldest Winchester sat down on the bed and gripped Castiel's shoulder. "You can't do this, man. I won't let you. I know everything sucks, but come on, Cas, don't do this--"

"Dean. I don't want to die."

He was confused. "Then why the hell are you trying to cut your throat?"

Castiel's eyes fell. "I have my grace back, but Theo and Adena . . ."

Dean watched Castiel's fingers rub his neck self-consciously, and his eyes widened in realization. "You're trying to--oh hell no, Cas. No. You can't do that! That's insane!"

"I have to." His voice was barely a whisper. "But I don't think I can do it myself."

Dean stood up immediately and backed away. "No way. I'm not doing that to you."

"The pain isn't terrible."

"No."

"Dean," he looked up, "I extracted Gadreel's grace from Sam. I put my hand in his chest to feel for his soul. I've cut you without your consent and taken your blood. I've beaten you. I have caused you both so much suffering. Please, help me do what's right."

The hunter hesitated.

"Please, Dean."

He sighed and bent to pick up the angel blade, then he sat back down on the bed. "How do I do this?"

Castiel withdrew three vials from his coat pocket. "The graces will separate. Collect them one at a time. Then restore mine."

"So you'll be human."

"For a minute, yes."

"But I would have just slit your throat."

Castiel gave his friend a halfhearted smile. "Since you can't heal me, like Metatron did, you have to give me my grace back quickly."

Dean swallowed. "Okay. Where do I, uh . . ."

Cas lifted his chin slightly and drew a line on his neck with his finger. "Deep enough to open my vessel's trachea, but not enough to cut it in half."

The young man was looking very pale. "Uh, okay. I guess, if you're ready, I'll just--"

Cas touched his arm. "I will be fine. It's okay."

Dean nodded stoically, his mouth a thin line. "Close your eyes, Cas."

Though the angel didn't understand how that would help, he obeyed. In darkness, he waited for the sting.

Dean leveled the blade at Castiel's throat and pressed down and to the right. There was a bit of resistance, and then the edged slipped through and he steadied his hand, afraid of cutting too deep. There was blood, and the sound of his friend hissing through his teeth. Then, there was light.

Bright, impossibly blue light leaked from Castiel, like a silkier version of Sam's soul. He fumbled for a vial and held it up to the grace, mesmerized by it's brightness.

Castiel opened his eyes, his lashes wet. "Ad-en-a," he gasped.

Dean looked at the blue wisps swirling within the glass and imagined a goddess with wings bigger than the Eiffel Tower. He uncapped the second vial and held it out to the wound.

"The-o," Cas managed.

Gingerly, Dean opened the third vial. A slightly dimmer wisp escaped Castiel, and Dean watched as the angel's eyes dulled.

As soon as the grace had been collected, the wound began to bleed in earnest, and Castiel collapsed onto the bed, his neck streaming.

"Cas! Goddamn it--" Dean bent over his friend and held the vial to his lips. The grace once more slithered out and entered his mouth.

Castiel's entire vessel illuminated. His wound was sealed beneath fresh skin, and his bloody collar was renewed to white. His eyes glowed, and behind him, Dean saw the shadow of powerful, though damaged, wings stretch themselves and settle calmly at his back.

All at once, the shadow faded with the light, and Castiel looked up at Dean with Jimmy's blue eyes.

The Winchester, still clutching the vials of swarming grace, grabbed Castiel and hugged him tightly.

Alarmed, but comfortable with the smell of whiskey, burritos, and leather in his nose, he returned the embrace.

"Don't ever ask me to try that shit again," Dean said, pulling away.

Castiel took the vials and smiled. "Thank you."

The hunter shrugged. "We got some beer in the fridge, if you want any."

"Later. I have something to do first."

~

Outside, Castiel flipped the vial lids and watched the grace inside leave the glass and rise to Heaven. His brother and sister were finally home, and at peace.


End file.
